The Inventory moment!!!

Well.. it was really tiring yesterday but it was fun though... it was very interesting to experience this moment.... We've been to Batuta and Wafi mall.. to do an inventory together with my collegues... it was fun of course because it is another task to accomplish... I thank God for this challenge...

Aside from the inventory experience, I also stroll the mall (BATUTA) and look for different stuff.. make me think that i wish that someday they will bring me in this hotel because of the ambiance and the crowd.. very interesting!!!!

Guess what?!?!! They have a very interesting Rest room... hehehe a chinese concept restroom and it looks really wonderful....

It was fun and challenging... Hoping to experience more "eksenas"... but im sure it will be more eksena soon...

This coming two weeks it will be more eksena and more challenges... aside from the 300 trucks and furniture to come... it will be another inventory moments... This time.. Abu Dhabi and the Workplace (Sharjah)... It will be busy but then.. always have time to inform you...

MY DREAM

I have 15 mins to deliver this blog and this is kinda interesting... Well... I know that it is really hard for me to develop things now that im far from the country called Philippines... I left my friends and family there just to experience this once in a life time experience... I feel great about this.. but sometimes I feel tired because of the tasks that Big Brother gave me... but im sure i can manage to do my duties and responsibilities...

Aside from thinking of my Guy far away from home, I also think many stories, scenarios, and dreams... because I want to grab this opportunity for me to create a short film or even a documentary about life of a gayguy here in this country!!! i know it will be hard and tough but then after all.. one thing for sure is that... I will join this film in an Independent film awards in the near future... Aside from that... Im also thinking of having my own photo exhibit in the near future... But for now.. aside from my workss... i will try to put some time just for me to create this dream and make it happen.... A Short film or a photo gallery... Well... in that time, im sure that i am more establish and recognized....

Anyway... Im just sharing you my thoughts because its really great to write something especially about your dreams!!!! I just wish i have more time and ideas for me to accomplish this...

goodluck for me and Im welcoming all ur comments and suggestions... thanks!

THE PHOTOS OF ME AND MY COLLEGUES HERE IN SHARJAH, UAE

Well.. becoz of the connection... im not able to show u all the pix here in sharjah, UAE but then... i will let u see my friendster in the future... just ask and i will give... but this time... its just a pix of me in Ajman... an open beach!

Another pix of me is when we arrived at Dubai's Airport... UAE is the 2nd country that i visited and this time... its all about work!!! well... The pix shows my first time... hehehehe ....

The next picture of me and my collegues... We enjoy the night swimming after our work last thursday... it was really great to stay there, thou of course, we need to go early becoz friday is rest day and we need to do many stuff every friday... from washing our clothes, to shop and rest of course....

Well... its really hard to live here becoz of less leisure but more working days but eventhough I have that lifestyle that i will enjoy for two years.. I know that God is always there to keep me doing these....

I miss but i missed!

i just dont know... i dont know what to write!!! i think im paranoid!! help me! Give me more power to understand everything!!! i just feel sad deep inside!

The Hardship of Life!

When I decided to travel and work here in Sharjah UAE... I know that it will be a huge adjustment, heavy jobs and hard time.... All of those things are already in my mind.. But then I promise to myself that I will set a plan for myself and for my future...

Well... Im sorry if im not able to put some blogs this past few weeks... well one reason is that, It turns arabic everytime i type my blogs at thats extra adjustment for me.. So it takes time for me to formulate english words...

Anyway... I like it here... It gives me great opportunities.. a great life... a wonderful future!!! but then I know the fact that its not all about money... Its about happiness, sometimes! right?! But then... Its already program in my mind.. How are u able to give happiness to the person you love (family, friends, special someone) if u dont have anything to make them happy... ???

I know that many is not the basis of everything... But it gives color.. it gives ambition.. it gives life... These are the things that makes me work hard for me .... and for my future!!!

Well.. I had a very busy week... After I met my General manager, meet new friends and collegues it makes me realize that "Im really here in middle east... working hard and claiming as a CERTIFIED OFW..." its kinda odd you know.. its kinda low class stuff but then i learn to love it... I know that there's no problem being OFWs... the next line will be as "HEROES OF OUR NATION"... but those are true... When u get here.. when u travel and work here.. U know that its not enjoyment... its not pleasure but pure hardwork...

But when I realize everything that im already here... and i already adjusted... It doesnt matter if u are bachelor's degree or a university graduate... its all about hardwork, dedication, movation, focus and what do u want to achieve after few years time... That matters!!!! It is!!! beleive me.. it works...

But then... If you just think and miss philippines.. it makes u weak, depress and makes u want to come back home... but when u realize that there's no life in the philippines, that there's no money there... Well.. thats anotehr thing for u to work hard...

I know that when I left Philippines.. I left my heart there... with my family, with my friends and also with you... (you know who u r) your words makes me feel im just next door or just next city woroking hard... well-motivated for me to finished this contract and be home with u... thats the fact!!! thats why i keep thinking of you... I keep saving all of your messages so that I have this vitamins to stand erect, work my feet and smile everytime i feel tired...

Its funny you know!!! Its funny when u leave someone u love in the philippines and the following day u both miss each other... its really funny when you think your future together and how it will goes in the future...

Its really hard in here... its really hard when I think life here.. but everytime i think of you... Everytime u send me messages... everytime u say the words... Those are the things makes my day lighter... I know.... Yes!! I know im deeply in love with you... and I hope we can wait for the right thing... until the time we meet again... I totally miss you! I totally think that one day... I'll be home... with u... I'll be home with someoen i can call my HUN.... my love...my sweetheart...

This experience is one of the most memorable experience that I ever have... Its about life, dream, ambition, motivation and experience.... Its about building ur ownself... building your life and making ur dream come true!!!

sometimes, its now about luck.. its about hardwork! its about performance! its about you! and its about your future will be!!!

keep it up and u will see the light!!!

Is this the moment that I am waiting for???

Is this the moment that I am waiting for?!?!?! or just a dream???!!!!

When my sister asked me if I want to work abroad, i told her that I am interested but make sure that my job is not as a call center agent.... I am not against about that job but I just dont like it... Anyway, after the pageant (mr gay philippines), I realize that it is really time for me to settle down when I know to myself that I found the guy that im also waiting for...

This time I asked myself... Is this just a trial or a joke?!?!? Is this really what God want for me??!!Why does he needs to do that, now that He knows that I love this guy...What I am talking about is when I finally met the guy and at the same time career abroad knocks to my door and asked me if I want to travel and work as a Visual Merchandiser.

When I finally received the news that I am FIT TO WORK... I cried and think of the things that I will gonna miss when I leave the country... Although its really hard for me to decide, but then I chose to work my papers and process it and leave the country as soon as I can.... So that no more heartache, no more homesick and no more relationship that will grow and develop... but then ... its not really easy... It is not really easy when you know that you are already attached to a person that changed your life, your style, your future and your beliefs...It is wonderful to think that I feel this feeling again...It is a great feeling when you know that someone love you and vise versa....

According to my sister, I might leave the country on or before 12th of May and now, I only have few more days to spend it to my family, friends and to him... Because I really want some quality time with him and I want to enjoy the moment of us being together ...

We plan,
We talk
We think
and
We will Sacrifice...

These are the things that we do... Thou soon we will sacrfice being together but we hope it will be for our future life being together... I also asked my sister if it is ok if she work out on my loveone's papers, so that we can both go there and work and save some $$ so that after 2 years or so..we can return and start a good business of our own, built a good family and have a great home....

Isnt it wonderful that this time you are not thinking of urself anymore but instead you are dreaming and wishing to have a best life with someone you love in the near future... I must admit im madly inlove and i think loving someone is also consider as a BALANCE of everything...There is one time when my conscience told me... "having a relationship is not just giving your heart, your time and your effort.... also you need to live! you need to work and you need to earn and live for your future..." which is totally true... I want to live life with enjoyment... not just sorrow but of course we need to work for us to live...

BUt there is sometime when It think..."Is he my boyfriend now??" "When is that?!?!" I hope that its real.... I know he loves me...and he knows I love him but I just dont know and feel when he will be mine... I just dont know when will I able to call him MY boyfriend... MY partner...???I dont know...Cause this time i dont want to initiate... I just want to hear him telling that I am his boyfriend....

Its just like... I dont want other people thinking that Im just claiming if I introduce him to our common friends as my boyfriend... I just dont like the idea of " I KNOW HE IS MY BOYFRIEND.." but what if other people asked him...and answered..."we're just friends..." It is hard to accept?!?!? right?! I know I am not that good in terms of relationship coz I know to myself that most of my relationships are totally failed and not a good thing to remember....

I know that life is cruel...
I know that life is a struggle
I know that life is full of sacrifice
I know that life is painful...

But when you face these and when you feel these... You know that you love... because when you overcome those trials by improving how much u love the person... It means that you know u've been into a very hard time.. but then... no regrets because you know u gain something and you learn something from it...

I LOVE YOU.. u know that... i just dont want it that way... I also want u to feel that...
I might not be perfect but willing to learn
I might look not serious but i also want to talk more stuff
I always listen and im happy you talk
I also want to talk and share... but i hope you are listening and understanding...

Dubai, UAE is kinda far from the Philippines and it will take 2 years after I come back... I told him that he has the time... he has everything and I will make sure that when I return... I still going to love him and I will prepare for our futre together ... I hope he will feel the same thing...

All I Ask is to ...

LOVE ME...

BAKIT???

Hindi ako makapagsulat!!!!

Nakakainis..

Ang hirap ng ganitong Feeling!!!

Nakakainis..

Nakakaiyak....

Wala akong magawa...

Pero whatever happen Lord... kung ito ang kagustuhan mo... I'll follow...

Pero Lord... please dont let him go away...

MR GAY Philippines top 10

U....

"You become my inspiration... You give me reason to live life.... You give me chance to see my life in a brighter side... Help me to forget you!!!!"

--- jhayvee

WHY????

Last night I sleep around 8pm and woke up around 10pm because my mom texted me... And after that text, im trying to sleep again but its really hard for me to sleep because Im thinking for many things... I dont know where to start but it really makes me feel so lonely and my life is like a roller coaster because of the problems and the thoughts im thinking this past few days....

I dont know... everything is like a problem with me at the moment... its really hard for me to establish myself because of many circumstances... I wish I can solve this... i just wish!!!

WHY????

Last night I sleep around 8pm and woke up around 10pm because my mom texted me... And after that text, im trying to sleep again but its really hard for me to sleep because Im thinking for many things... I dont know where to start but it really makes me feel so lonely and my life is like a roller coaster because of the problems and the thoughts im thinking this past few days....

I dont know... everything is like a problem with me at the moment... its really hard for me to establish myself because of many circumstances... I wish I can solve this... i just wish!!!

FACES.... & CHARACTER.....

AM I done?!

Am I done?!!?!? Am i done with my life of being single?! Am i ready to enter to a new relationship?! How am I able to work it out?! Is he the one im waiting for?! How sure i am? How sure he is?!

Too many questions bothers on my mind this past few days ... It made me realize how lucky I am to experience this problems, struggles and enjoyment...It means that Im a certified HUMAN BEING...

I know that life is very hard and very unpredictable... U dont know who will come your way.. or who will u gonna meet at the end of the line... Sometimes, it is better to dream than to see the reality of life... Sometimes it is better to keep your eyes close than to see what will going to happen next... But no doubt... that is the beauty of life and I thank God for that!!!

We are all lucky to have this life and I know God has his own way on how to please us... how to give what we need in life... what type of problem that He's going to give... We are lucky becoz we are alive... we live... we enjoy... we struggle... we cry...and we are here to share the bounty of God.. The blessings and the life that we have...

But how about my life that Im longing for?! how about the heart that im looking for? how about the nights that i'm there alone looking for someone to cuddle, someone to touch?! It made me feel so sad?! It made me feel thats my life yesterday, today and tomorrow... Am i just lonely?! How about my happinesss???

Am I Happy?!

For me.. Happiness is having someone next you.. someone that u will have for the rest of your life... someone that will give u heartache, headache and stomachache but still he's there living with you...loving you... making u sad, making u smile and making u proud... Happiness is how you will epxerience the sadness with the person u love the most... Happiness is how you will cherish the moment u r in the middle of magic... Happiness is the moment you both enjoy what u both looking for...

Happiness is YOU...

My happiness is always be you...

I dont know when you will come to me and love me... I dont know when u will approach me... I dont know... but then... I welcome you... If you found me as your happiness... I hope i make u happy... I wish i can make u happy... and i hope it will be forever...

MY LIFE AFTER THE PAGEANT...

Joining Mr. Gay Philippines taught us how to become a better person... This competition is about winning the title but winning friends and family... It is wonderful to know that after 1 month of preparations and a month of hectic schedule still we are fighting for our life and our right be accepted in this society...

I'm so lucky to gain 1 love and many friends.. I hope that love will be for long time ot should i say forever...

After the pageant... All of us back to normal... All of us back to our own world... and all of the sudden we miss each other... we miss the hectic schedule, we miss the rehearsals and we miss the time we are together... Joining to this kind of competition is very fantastic... Im so happy that i join to this competition... Everyone knows thats it is really hard to OUT... but then.. we proud gaymen are very much thankful to the organizer, producer and robbie...

With him alone...

When you will know if you are happy?! When you will know if the person besides you makes u feel Happy?! When you will know if you both enjoy being together?! Is it just a dream?! or it is just a fantasy?! Life sometimes help us to understand that even we are rushing things, still there are times that God makes everything into slow motion. I know you will ask me, what is the connection of Hapiness with slow motion?! To tell you honestly, I dont know... I just feel it... and for me i define it very f antastic.... but somehow drastic.... Hay!!!

March17 is a much awaited day of my life because on this day, there are 21 candidates that will buy for the title as Mr. Gay Philippines '07... Right now, i must tell you that i'm doing my best to compete and im doing my best to be the best on that night but then, it makes me feel that everything running fast.... few weeks ago, Im just preparing my stuff for that competition and today, i need to count days just to present myself into large public and tell the world how gay i am... Yeah! it is a form of preparations and motivations to move forward and think of the possible result of that competition... BUt then on... i met this guy.. He is gentle lovely man... at first He dont even recognize me or even dont like to look at me.. but then after giving up someone f rom the past it makes me beleive to the statement that " If someone close his door, Someone will open their window" and i think that it is 1000% true...

He started to talk to me and he started to know me and vise versa.... I dont know his feelings towards me but i guarantee you that i like him the first time i saw him because of his e yes, i think. another factor is that he's being so nice and gentle person... thou i know that he is kinda bitter but i know that it will heals the wound as the time goes by... He might not be the perfect guy but i believe that he is a guy that i can love and enjoy to have with....

Speaking of Slow motion... I feel that when we r together, everything is fantastic and i just feel it that everything is slow motion... but when i see the clock hanging on the wall.. or even the clock on my mobile phone... it made me realize that the time is going faster... I just dont really know how am i able to stop it and make it slow motion but i think thats how we appreciate the moment that u spent time together ... Not that precious or even perfect 1 but a very interesting time that u feel the happiness being with him...

I know that you will think that I'm very much into fantasy, lovestory, & romance and you will tell me that I should wake up and open my eyes to reality... Well... im real... im just inlove, i think. But, i know it is not the basis of love and i dont want to rush things just to get his attention or later to love and live with him... but to the fact that i like him... i can live with it... i can wait as long as i know that he will allow me to wait him... I can be his love if he likes to love me... I can be his friend or even a worst enemy... but then... All i want is him next to me...

For now, I know that we are in a "Getting to know each other" position and i know how hard to adjust and to love ... but then.. that is love, right?! sacrificing urself and asking yourself what love is all about... giving urself to him, giving ur time and effort if it is really necessary...

I'm not younger anymore and i know that... I know it is delicate to appreciate someone because u dont know what is on back of his mind.. But now i learn how to wait.. and like what i always said... im willing to wait... just let me know until when...

I dont know what will gonna happen after the competition.. I just wish he seriously like me... or he make some way for me to stay.. because i will... I know everything will be unpredictable that night and i must prepare myself into that result...

But if u want to ask me... I'm just here... will try to wait you...

I like him.... but... I'm scared!

Many people have their own way in finding special guy or special someone! sometimes it is better if you just wait him and pop up in front of you!!!

There are times that you like to stop and ignore the feelings becoz u know that it is not good for both of you... But, what if he is the right one... but what if he is the person that you are waiting for so long?! How will u know that?!

I still beleive that love is not a quickie thing... I also know that love is not 1hr developing... i know that love is not just a snap but a good start and for something new... a good start to know that it is not just about you but BOTH of you... It is not just about 1 person but to both of you who feel the same thing... knowing the same love and thinking the best for both of you in the future... It is really hard to find that guy and whoever is he, we should prepare ourselves and reserve it just for him... I know how hard it is.... Every failure is a good lesson, each lesson is a good learning, each learning touch our lives and everytime we experience this... we know that we become a better person and from this, we know that we are human... Human that is very fragile and very sensitive...

i'm just an ordinary gayguy.... A person who wants to find his partner, a person who like to experience the world and a person who wants to conquer the world... Not just being along... but... achieving it with special guy beside me...

EACH GAYGUYS LIKE TO BECOME A BEAUTY QUEEN...

March 17, 2007

Metro Bar, West Avenue, Quezon City

For more information and tickets

Please contact glamourosity entertainment and look for mac... +639179534513

Ticket cost:

Php 300

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See you there!

I remember the boy.... but he dont remember the feelings!!!

this past few days i feel so sad, and i dont know the reason why... but then it made me realize that im alone and wondering who will be the guy that will love me for real??? We feel so sad especially when we realize that someone from the past reminds your present... right?!

LAst year, i saw and meet my ex boyfriend and i feel so sad because i thought he's trying to figure out our relationship... i also thought that he's working out our relationship and his feelings towards me... because he keeps blaming me of what happen during that time....I never thought that that will be the last moment we remembered that we LOVED each other..

Well then, i cant blame him because of what happen from the past. But that day in the middle of the dancefloor, i saw him happy and thats one good thing for me to move on... but why the ghost of my past keeps telling me to remember those relationship... I just feel so sad... i dont know why I experience this feeling once again... I know that i dont have any reason to get jelous with him because we're no longer lovers but then... i feel so sad... is it me ...??? or him?? i just dont know...

i just want to write this story in order for me to file and document and then im sure that later on, i will forgot that i met him... i really feel so sad...


.... A few minutes ago, i typed and visited my another ex-boyfriend's friendster and saw that he improve more and much goodlooking than before and it made me realize that maybe i miss going out and miss working out... Well i think that this is the best time for me to move and to go on and start a new lifestyle...

I think that this is one good motivation for me to go to gym and balance my time, my diet and my savings in order for me to be well and able to cope up with different stress stuff that comes to my life...

but if that what im really looking for ??? Hmmm...

No matter happen, i feel so lonely and thats what bothers me... Sometimes, i really like to have someone next to me... to cuddle, to love and to be love by me... but then... When he will come and stay? when he will come and say he love me? when he will come and say "i will be ur forever", when he will come and say " even we're not that good partners, im sure everything will be ok"

I wish he come and tell me those things because, im sure that when i hear that, i will feel fine and brave enough to face my life...

d' pR!cE oF deE KiSS3s iN D dAnc3fLoOr

This year is another year to celebrate because of the blessings that we had from the previous years and of course to the continuous blessings of the Lord this coming year... Anyway, here I am once again to tell you another story that makes you think and realize things that will help you to understand our own world...Last night, I went to another interesting place which consider as the tourist spot of gay guys... It is totally awesome because the place had the best guys in town and considered as the heaven of seductive men, the fever and hotness of the dance floor....I was fascinated with the guys and also with the people because aside from the friendly ambiance, it has the variety of flavors.... from black to white, from jocks to twinks, from buff to lean, GLBT... etc.

To tell you the truth I've been to that place for 5 times ... 3 times when I was with my ex-bf and 2 times when I’m alone trying to see my ex... hehehehe... corny huh!? but true...Anyway, my ex-boyfriend planned to celebrate the pre-new year party with his friends and I was not invited thou…huhuhuuhh…

Well, that night, I tried to contact him and asked him if he’s planning to go out and he replied that he will go out together with his friends and when I asked him if I can go out with them he answered me positively.......When I met them at the gate of the bar, the stay there for about 5 mins and we came inside the bar and meet other friends.... we choose a better place for us to hang out (and witness different cocks and jocks... hahahahah) and ordered 6 bottles of beers, and guess what ?!?!?!? I never touch those first 6 bottles of beers because I truly don’t want to drink beer at all and all I did was to stand at the corner...ALONE... !!! After few minutes I decided to ordern an iced tea and dance again every now and then...

While we’re dancing, drinking, flirting and chatting at the same time, a guy who sits next to our table looked at me with a big smile on his face. Well, I think that I have the reason to look at him, you know why ? Because he is totally hot!!! Cute!!!! And oh my god, he’s such a gorgeous-looking guy. He was introduced to me by my Ex bf and without knowing he's a bottom guy!

So, this guy danced with me together with her shemale friend. After that, he asked my name and asked me to take off my clothes... That evening, I’m just wearing my Tank top and my jogging pants and as u can imagine I am so sporty! Imagine a guy who went to the gym with a small make-up kit… Funny isn’t it … hehehe… Kidding aside, it is not a make-up kit… hahhahaah .. but a small pouch contains of my perfume, wallet and cell phone…

Anyway, I saw the face of my ex-bf and it seems that he’s no longer concern about me. So, this guy removed my tank top and start dancing in front of me...As in… He’s flirting with me that evening… and god!!!! I had a total hard-on (i wish he's not able to read this) hehehehe ...

While dancing, I saw the transformation of the disco pub into a jungle and how I saw the guys transforming into beasts, wild-animals, and hot bulls.... thou its not a total bullshit but as you can see, it is a total image of the wild life in Africa. Anyway, as the night getting late… oopppss I forgot that we went there late... again... As the night turn into morning... I saw different guys kissing and touching each others likes strangers in the dark.... What are they doing there? Do they know who are they kissing??? And It reminds me on how am I gonna value the KISSING...????

I’m sure that all of you will agree to me that one of the most special part in a pornshow, romantic films, plays and TV series are the kissing scenes because it is a symbol of getting into another level... another level of maturity or another level of being attached to each other, right?! Specifically to the person you like the most.... or should I say... love the most ?? which do one do you think is appropriate??? Anyway, I saw these two strange guys (also they are strange to each other.. hehehe ) .... and as I observed them, at first, they just dance and smile to each other and after that they introduce themselves to each other and taking-off their clothes after the heavy moments of dancing.... funny isn’t it ? But that’s how it really goes.... Unless you don’t want it...

Anyway...

It is really good to know that they enjoy the night and never spoiled it. Another thing that captured my attention was the way they kissed and why they are kissing?! It comes to the point, that I asked myself why do they need to do that ?~!?!?! hmmm....I’m sure that all of us are eager to have that kiss and since that kissing is also known as form of art because it is an expression of emotion using the sense as your medium towards your subject/s. It is also one way of showing your affection and compassion to another person “you love” right?! This should be another thing to talk about…. Another good thing to clarify and another good thing to clear…But do we really need to do that in front of the gay club?! Inside the gay club??? In the middle of the dance floor??? Is that one way of showing and telling to the world that "someone like me because he kissed me..." or "... I’m hot and I have a very hot body then get and kiss me..."

Well...aside from just a kiss… there's another that bothers me…The French kissing... OMG!!!! Well guys, if we will going to a gay club, please!... lets not try this because it is not recommendable especially for the youth like us …I know that it is not my concern but let me tell u something, I've been in that situation and kissed different hot guys and gay guys, but then... what I’m looking for is not with them... There’s no spark at all and it’s just like, wasting my time of doing such thing without any satisfaction....

I am not trying to encourage you to stop it but then, you may avoid it... Try to meet and know the person first before you kiss or have sex with him and then if you both deserve each others, why not try to get his number and invite him to another comfortable place that will suits for both of you.... Because I believe that the power of love and the foundation of relationship SHOULD undergo process...

Always remember that we should take kissing as another sacred thing, because it is good when u kiss the person you really love with deeper feelings and a deeper emotions, compassion and true feeling of love… and not just a cheap kissing from a strange guy... Try to imagine how expensive your kiss worth and then make a deal to a person you starting to like and to love, then you will realize the amount of it when you both kiss passionately with love and compassion and that’s it... that the value of it... that’s the great thing about knowing how valuable your kisses are...

Kissing will become unforgettable kisses when you give it with love and share it with feelings... It will be amazing if you will do it with enjoyment and romance and lastly, it will be great if you just dance and start an amazing courting that will lead you to a better understanding of a true gay guy relationship...

Happy New Year~~~