I remember the boy.... but he dont remember the feelings!!!

this past few days i feel so sad, and i dont know the reason why... but then it made me realize that im alone and wondering who will be the guy that will love me for real??? We feel so sad especially when we realize that someone from the past reminds your present... right?!

LAst year, i saw and meet my ex boyfriend and i feel so sad because i thought he's trying to figure out our relationship... i also thought that he's working out our relationship and his feelings towards me... because he keeps blaming me of what happen during that time....I never thought that that will be the last moment we remembered that we LOVED each other..

Well then, i cant blame him because of what happen from the past. But that day in the middle of the dancefloor, i saw him happy and thats one good thing for me to move on... but why the ghost of my past keeps telling me to remember those relationship... I just feel so sad... i dont know why I experience this feeling once again... I know that i dont have any reason to get jelous with him because we're no longer lovers but then... i feel so sad... is it me ...??? or him?? i just dont know...

i just want to write this story in order for me to file and document and then im sure that later on, i will forgot that i met him... i really feel so sad...


.... A few minutes ago, i typed and visited my another ex-boyfriend's friendster and saw that he improve more and much goodlooking than before and it made me realize that maybe i miss going out and miss working out... Well i think that this is the best time for me to move and to go on and start a new lifestyle...

I think that this is one good motivation for me to go to gym and balance my time, my diet and my savings in order for me to be well and able to cope up with different stress stuff that comes to my life...

but if that what im really looking for ??? Hmmm...

No matter happen, i feel so lonely and thats what bothers me... Sometimes, i really like to have someone next to me... to cuddle, to love and to be love by me... but then... When he will come and stay? when he will come and say he love me? when he will come and say "i will be ur forever", when he will come and say " even we're not that good partners, im sure everything will be ok"

I wish he come and tell me those things because, im sure that when i hear that, i will feel fine and brave enough to face my life...

d' pR!cE oF deE KiSS3s iN D dAnc3fLoOr

This year is another year to celebrate because of the blessings that we had from the previous years and of course to the continuous blessings of the Lord this coming year... Anyway, here I am once again to tell you another story that makes you think and realize things that will help you to understand our own world...Last night, I went to another interesting place which consider as the tourist spot of gay guys... It is totally awesome because the place had the best guys in town and considered as the heaven of seductive men, the fever and hotness of the dance floor....I was fascinated with the guys and also with the people because aside from the friendly ambiance, it has the variety of flavors.... from black to white, from jocks to twinks, from buff to lean, GLBT... etc.

To tell you the truth I've been to that place for 5 times ... 3 times when I was with my ex-bf and 2 times when I’m alone trying to see my ex... hehehehe... corny huh!? but true...Anyway, my ex-boyfriend planned to celebrate the pre-new year party with his friends and I was not invited thou…huhuhuuhh…

Well, that night, I tried to contact him and asked him if he’s planning to go out and he replied that he will go out together with his friends and when I asked him if I can go out with them he answered me positively.......When I met them at the gate of the bar, the stay there for about 5 mins and we came inside the bar and meet other friends.... we choose a better place for us to hang out (and witness different cocks and jocks... hahahahah) and ordered 6 bottles of beers, and guess what ?!?!?!? I never touch those first 6 bottles of beers because I truly don’t want to drink beer at all and all I did was to stand at the corner...ALONE... !!! After few minutes I decided to ordern an iced tea and dance again every now and then...

While we’re dancing, drinking, flirting and chatting at the same time, a guy who sits next to our table looked at me with a big smile on his face. Well, I think that I have the reason to look at him, you know why ? Because he is totally hot!!! Cute!!!! And oh my god, he’s such a gorgeous-looking guy. He was introduced to me by my Ex bf and without knowing he's a bottom guy!

So, this guy danced with me together with her shemale friend. After that, he asked my name and asked me to take off my clothes... That evening, I’m just wearing my Tank top and my jogging pants and as u can imagine I am so sporty! Imagine a guy who went to the gym with a small make-up kit… Funny isn’t it … hehehe… Kidding aside, it is not a make-up kit… hahhahaah .. but a small pouch contains of my perfume, wallet and cell phone…

Anyway, I saw the face of my ex-bf and it seems that he’s no longer concern about me. So, this guy removed my tank top and start dancing in front of me...As in… He’s flirting with me that evening… and god!!!! I had a total hard-on (i wish he's not able to read this) hehehehe ...

While dancing, I saw the transformation of the disco pub into a jungle and how I saw the guys transforming into beasts, wild-animals, and hot bulls.... thou its not a total bullshit but as you can see, it is a total image of the wild life in Africa. Anyway, as the night getting late… oopppss I forgot that we went there late... again... As the night turn into morning... I saw different guys kissing and touching each others likes strangers in the dark.... What are they doing there? Do they know who are they kissing??? And It reminds me on how am I gonna value the KISSING...????

I’m sure that all of you will agree to me that one of the most special part in a pornshow, romantic films, plays and TV series are the kissing scenes because it is a symbol of getting into another level... another level of maturity or another level of being attached to each other, right?! Specifically to the person you like the most.... or should I say... love the most ?? which do one do you think is appropriate??? Anyway, I saw these two strange guys (also they are strange to each other.. hehehe ) .... and as I observed them, at first, they just dance and smile to each other and after that they introduce themselves to each other and taking-off their clothes after the heavy moments of dancing.... funny isn’t it ? But that’s how it really goes.... Unless you don’t want it...

Anyway...

It is really good to know that they enjoy the night and never spoiled it. Another thing that captured my attention was the way they kissed and why they are kissing?! It comes to the point, that I asked myself why do they need to do that ?~!?!?! hmmm....I’m sure that all of us are eager to have that kiss and since that kissing is also known as form of art because it is an expression of emotion using the sense as your medium towards your subject/s. It is also one way of showing your affection and compassion to another person “you love” right?! This should be another thing to talk about…. Another good thing to clarify and another good thing to clear…But do we really need to do that in front of the gay club?! Inside the gay club??? In the middle of the dance floor??? Is that one way of showing and telling to the world that "someone like me because he kissed me..." or "... I’m hot and I have a very hot body then get and kiss me..."

Well...aside from just a kiss… there's another that bothers me…The French kissing... OMG!!!! Well guys, if we will going to a gay club, please!... lets not try this because it is not recommendable especially for the youth like us …I know that it is not my concern but let me tell u something, I've been in that situation and kissed different hot guys and gay guys, but then... what I’m looking for is not with them... There’s no spark at all and it’s just like, wasting my time of doing such thing without any satisfaction....

I am not trying to encourage you to stop it but then, you may avoid it... Try to meet and know the person first before you kiss or have sex with him and then if you both deserve each others, why not try to get his number and invite him to another comfortable place that will suits for both of you.... Because I believe that the power of love and the foundation of relationship SHOULD undergo process...

Always remember that we should take kissing as another sacred thing, because it is good when u kiss the person you really love with deeper feelings and a deeper emotions, compassion and true feeling of love… and not just a cheap kissing from a strange guy... Try to imagine how expensive your kiss worth and then make a deal to a person you starting to like and to love, then you will realize the amount of it when you both kiss passionately with love and compassion and that’s it... that the value of it... that’s the great thing about knowing how valuable your kisses are...

Kissing will become unforgettable kisses when you give it with love and share it with feelings... It will be amazing if you will do it with enjoyment and romance and lastly, it will be great if you just dance and start an amazing courting that will lead you to a better understanding of a true gay guy relationship...

Happy New Year~~~